The Restaurant Slide

RESTAURANT GABRIELE, AUTOR: MICHAEL PANCKOW, WWW.PANCKOW.COM
RESTAURANT GABRIELE, AUTOR: MICHAEL PANCKOW, WWW.PANCKOW.COM

 Kale is so 2017. Who knew?

While we ordinary mortals are making New Year’s Resolutions to lose weight, quit smoking, and balance our checkbooks regularly, top chefs across the country are deciding which of the trendiest foods on last year’s menu must go. Why? Because of the dreaded “Restaurant Slide.”

According to the Life and Arts Section of the WSJ, here’s what happens: each year famous statholdergaarden-bent-stiansen-french-norwegian-classic-traditional-michelin-star-oslo-norway-scandinavia-restaurant-review-food-foodie-eachefs, who are the pace-setters in the creative cooking world, think up a unique recipe, work out the kinks of a detailed list of ingredients, prepare an eye-catching dish, catch a quick pic, and post it on Instagram. If the dish goes viral, it gets shared, copied, and duplicated in all levels of eateries. Then the big slide down the Restaurant Circuit begins. In a short six to eight years, these five star delicacies reach your favorite fast food drive-through and the full circle of the Restaurant Slide is complete.

Last year, when fast food restaurants started serving kale salad, the dish had met it demise on the five star restaurant circuit. However, pulling it out from under hungry customer’s noses wasn’t easy. But if a master chef tosses in enough romaine, calls it Kale and Romaine Caesar, and trains the wait staff to talk up replacements, the system swings back into balance. Voila – a new salad has been born.

What’s out for 2018 on the trendiest eateries’ menus?

  • Avocado Toast – now replaced by toast covered with squash or mushrooms
  • Tuna Tartare – replaced by “a more unusual cured fluke* dish”
  • Kale – it’s hit the fast food circuit – it’s still in transition – but ultimately doomed
  • Veal – sauced meats are out

What’s in:

  • Smoked beef briskets
  • Crudo – seasoned, thinly sliced, raw fish
  • Pakora – a fritter from Asia
  • Duck – not the foie gras type

So prepare to see such items as Japanese furikake seasoning and karashi mustard, or Korean noodle stir-fry japehae – not exactly your comfort food on a cold winter’s night.

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* When I was learning about parasites in college, the Oriental Liver Fluke was definitely not on the fine dining menu.

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